


Choking on Flowers

by danceonthebrink (hetaliatomalia)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Actual Murder, Bullying, Delusions, Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fighting, Implied/Referenced Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death(s), Mutual Stalking, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Sexual Content, Social anxiety I guess, Stalking, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Unbalanced teenagers, Underage - Freeform, a lot of implied relationships, background mikasa/annie - Freeform, eren's pov, fluffy stalking?, i guess?, implied past jean/marco, my boi Eren says some offensive stuff too, theyre both p. delusional and unstable, will probably have a happy ending tho so there you go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetaliatomalia/pseuds/danceonthebrink
Summary: Eren finds love in the form of a snapping shutter, and then in Levi.A tale of two teenagers stalking each other.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Marco Bodt got what was coming for him. At least, that was what Eren thought.

Of course, it wasn't as if Eren had wished anything on Marco - and of course Eren _didn't do it._ He wasn't completely sick in the head, despite what some people thought  

Anyone else would disagree with Eren. Probably call him an unsympathetic asshole. Because Marco was just so fucking nice. It was unreal how nice Marco was. He was the kind of guy that showed the new kid around, the kind of guy that didn't think twice about helping anyone. Hell, the guy even volunteered at a nursing home. Not like Eren, who earned slightly more than minimum wage at his casual job yet still hated it, but Marco volunteered at a nursing home, assisting the elderly out of the good of his own heart. He was just _such_ a sweetheart.

So maybe it was wrong of Eren to hate Marco. Maybe it was kind of sick, and kind of weird that he despised Marco's kind words and friendly smiles. But that was just the sort of person that Eren was. Did that make him a bad person? Actually - yeah, that sounded right.

He didn't do it though, honest. Eren wouldn't do something like that - at least not without a good reason. When he got into fights, he was almost always careful enough to not throw the first punch, just because it was easier to shift the blame on 'self-defence' later on. It didn't always work though, if Eren had come out of a fight with nary a scratch on him besides his bruised knuckles from hitting the other kid too hard. He could always just slam his head against the wall a couple of times so it at least looked like a fair fight, and he could play the victim.

Of course, it wasn't like Eren actively tried to pick fights! But when you had skipped all of two grades like he had, his taller and tougher classmates tended to see him as an easy target. That was probably the only reason he hadn't been expelled yet. And he still had another warning before a suspension would be discussed. Being smart paid off - not in a sense that he used his intelligence to weasel his way out of punishment, but in a sense that he was more important to the school's academic achievements than some pimply sixteen or seventeen year old with straight D's. Of course that student was more susceptible to exemption.

They made it easy for Eren. It's not like any of them really tried to keep their bullying on the down low; in fact most of them they were quite happy to insult him in front of the rest of the student body - who didn't care as long as they weren't involved. Most of them didn't actually attempt to physically harm Eren unless they were alone, or at least with diminished witnesses - and that was when Eren could strike.

The names that they called him made something twist inside of him. Something dark and bitter, that made his chest feel heavy and his head fill with static and his blood buzz with rage. He let it steam and brew over the course of a few weeks, then provoked one of the bullies into hitting him. That was the breaking point, the point where Eren could swear and punch as the darkness clawed its way out of him in the form of physical harm. Then, when it was over, it would settle back inside of him, only lighter than before. He could breathe again, whoosh.

Sometimes, though, it ended badly for Eren. Usually only two or three kids would try to hurt him at a time. One person on their own didn't really have anything to gain, and most people draw the line at beating up a fifteen year old. But sometimes, on particularly bad days, a whole cluster of them would come after Eren. Those days were the worst, even though it had only happened twice in his entire schooling career. Those days, the dark feeling inside of him _burned_. There was nothing he could do to relieve it when he was the one being hurt. Those were the days where he'd been tempted to wrap his hands around one of their necks and **squeeze** , listen to their bones crack and their muscles clench around his fingers, watch them turn blue in the face as the life faded out of their eyes. He'd never actually kill someone, of course. Not on those few days, when there were so many people around.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren snapped his gum once, then again, just enough times to get a look from his Health teacher but not enough that she would say anything about it. He had most of the teachers under his thumb, and he delighted in it. Watch Connie Springer do the same things he got away with every day, **_ha!_** That kid probably had more detentions than he could count. Which, in Connie's defence, wasn't very high.

Health was especially un-extraordinary today, however, despite the familiar but unjustified feeling of unease that clawed at Eren’s insides. Nothing new there. He sighed loudly as he could, earning a few glares. Eren didn't usually have to take mandated classes, besides the ones that school had recommended in order for him to have advanced a grade. Which was _fantastic_ , because it meant that he didn't have to do PE. Eren enjoyed sports, but he disliked the idea of either having to do PE with juniors nearly twice his size, or a bunch of freshman that he didn't know. However, he also had to pick exclusively advanced classes, and he was allowed to take specialised classes like dance or art. Which, you know. He didn't really have much of an interest in in the first place. But Health. Jesus. He would have thought that having stellar grades would excuse him from having to learn about intercourse or (god forbid) the female reproduction system.

Luckily for Eren, Health had taken a turn for the better when they stopped talking about human anatomy and started talking about teen death, depression, suicide, drugs and alcohol. Conveniently and coincidentally after what had happened to Marco. Ah, who was he kidding, this was entirely about Marco and Eren thoroughly enjoyed these new and improved Health classes. Well, usually it was a good class if one of the girls started crying, because then everyone started to talk about their feelings. Which was. Kind of hilarious. It was a hoot to listen to the guys that knocked his books out of his hands and vandalised his locker talk about how they were against bullying.

Marco didn't have much to do with lost of the topics they talked about, really. He was much too close to divinity to spoil his body with illicit substances or anything like that, and obviously he hadn't been bullied. The school probably saw this as an opportunity to breach other subjects like that, since they had the chance.

Eren sighed again, and almost regretted it when Historia Reiss turned around and pressed a slender finger against her pretty pink mouth. He made awkward eye contact with the girl who may be the prettiest girl in his Health class (as well his English Lit, although Armin was a close second, and wasn't even a girl), before looking away. Man. Weird name, cute face, that girl. Usually Eren only really stared at the back of her smooth blonde hair, and sometimes if she leaned back far enough he could smell her shampoo. She didn't do that often, though. She wasn't really the type of girl who leant back in her chair.

Eren had been tempted to talk to her once or twice, actually, but he figured that she probably wouldn't be interested in a guy that was two years younger than her. She seemed more like the type of girl that would date older guys. Her wide-eyed innocence, clear skin, and short stature made her perfect jailbait. Not to be crude.

When the bell rang, Eren stayed seated. When she stood up, her thighs made a noise as they unstuck from the seat, and he watched as she smoothed her skirt out against her thin thighs, then as it brushed against them when she walked. Impressive. He glanced at the seat she had just stood up from, his eyes zeroing in on the slightly damp patch on the hard plastic. Oh, she had sweated into the seat. How naughty. He briefly considered touching the spot, as it would surely be warm, but decided against it. He had a very important lunch date to get to with a very important person. He was talking about himself, of course.

The cafeteria was one of Eren's favourite places to be, because it was the one place where he didn't have to keep his head up and pretend that he was listening. He could have gone to the library, but the library was where the freshman hung out because the school didn't have enough tables and chairs in the cafeteria. Granted, the freshmen were his age and he could probably make friends with the unpopular kids if he tried (he hadn't had any luck with the unpopular kids in his year, but he hadn't really tried that hard. Also, even they didn't want to hang out with him. But that was, you know, whatever.)

Anyways, the cafeteria could be pretty interesting. It was fun to watch his classmate, even if they probably thought he was a freak for staring so much, and some of them let him know so. Eren didn't care. There were a few people that he was particularly interested in, just because they were interesting. He didn't really have friends of his own, but it was fun to pretend that his select few were, in his head. Ah, he really needed to get out more. Isolation can do things to a persons head, but regardless…

There was Sasha Blouse, who seemed kind of plain at first but now Eren was almost certain had an eating disorder of some kind. She certainly didn't do a good job at hiding it, with her fluctuating weight and poor excuses. Reiner Braun, the big beefy guy who could pass as a thirty year old. He wasn't a footballer, but he was built like one. Result of steroids? And if so, what is he compensating for? Not to forget his best buddy, Bertolt. Total closet case, but he had a sweet smile.

Ah, and there was Ymir. Ever elusive and mysterious, best friend of Historia Reiss. Somehow. Eren thought about how the two of them, on the opposite side of the spectrum, ended up together. Did opposite really attract? Well, more often Eren thought about them in explicit situations, and less their backstory. And could anyone blame him really, with the way that they looked at each other? It melted his heart; it got him off.

Erwin Smith. Potential heroin addict, potential rapist. Most guys as popular as him usually were, or at least ended up that way. At the very least, he had to be into kiddy porn. He was sitting with Hange and Levi, which made Eren question Erwin’s standards and his popularity. Hange was some kind of nerdy socially progressive science nut. Eren was pretty sure he had heard her correcting several different people on her pronouns at several times, which was. Cool, he guessed. He didn't care enough to use them though, it was only in his head after all.

And Levi was probably the shortest junior in the school, not including Historia or Eren. And they didn't count because Historia was a girl and Eren’s voice was still breaking. Levi had a bunch of piercings and was probably in a gang. He sort of reminded Eren of his sister, which was weird enough. Hopefully Mikasa never joined a gang.

He spent most of his time thinking about those people. There were others, of course, that got tangled up in his “friend’s” lives. If Sasha were to date somebody, they would become part of Eren’s life, naturally. And Eren hadn't even been interested in Ymir initially, that much, but her and Historia were friends and that made her so much more appealing. And of course, say three or four of them go to a party – Eren will have to consider the host as a potential new addition.

There had been dropouts, too. Jean used to catch his eye, but the guy just annoyed Eren too much for him to have any fun. Nobody wanted to be friends with people that they didn't like, and Eren didn't want to be friends with Jean. It didn't matter that they had never spoken before, Eren knew all about about Jean as a person.

Eren fiddled with his phone a bit, opening Reiner’s Facebook page. He had gone to a party on Friday night, and people were still uploading pictures and tagging Reiner in them – five days after the event. Kind of tasteless, really, Eren mused to himself. Post something the day after it happens or post it a few months later and caption it with something nostalgic. It was common sense.

It was interesting that Bert hadn't gone to the party, though. Eren knew that Bert didn't really like parties, but he usually went when Reiner did. Maybe they were having a falling out? It seemed like Reiner had gone to the party with Annie Leonhardt, but Annie had left with some girl called – Eren clicked on ‘show tags’ – Bailey.

He would have to look into that.

Then, with a few more clicks he opened his phone camera. He leant back and subtly snapped a few dozen pictures of where Reiner and Bert sat, stretching his arms over his head so he good get a view. When he pulled his arm back and inspected the picture, his suspicions were confirmed. There were two people in between Reiner and Bertolt – _god damn it, what were their names again?_ – and they didn't seem to be speaking to each other. Of course, that's just what Eren had gathered from about ten seconds of footage. Maybe he needed to start taking videos…

He crinkled his nose, then got a few blurry shots of the other tables. When he flicked through the pictures, however, he noticed with a jolt that one of his subjects had been staring straight at his phone camera – straight at Eren. Erwin Smith. Eren’s cheeks burned, he felt like he had been caught in the act. But no, that couldn't be right. Eren was a pro at this, at taking secret photos of other people. If he had to rate his ability from “in your face paparazzi” to “Russian spy”, he would be a nature photographer. Yeah, he takes photos and it could get him in trouble, but he does it in a careful and quiet manner, so he doesn't disturb the wildlife and make them ruin the shot.

He steals a glance at Erwin’s table, and _oh god,_ it's not Erwin anymore it's Levi.

Fuck him to hell and back. If looking Historia in the eyes had freaked him out, then looking Levi in the eyes made him freeze on the spot. _This isn't supposed to happen,_ he thought frantically. _I'm supposed to watch you, not the other way around._

He fixed his eyes on the empty table in front of him, determined not to make eye contact with another one of his subjects today, not if he can help it. Eren didn't think that he would be able to handle it.

So, he keeps his head down and doesn't touch his phone for the rest of lunch, too tense to do anything but let the dark feeling clutch his chest and slowly grow.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Eren had been on edge ever since the incident that had occurred on Wednesday. It had freaked him out, made him much more cautious than usual. He didn’t like the thought of any of his subjects watching him. Or anyone, now that he thought about it. It made him feel squirmy and nervous, which made the dark feeling squirmy and nervous in term. It wasn’t a good feeling.

Briefly, he entertained the thought that maybe some of _them_ were uneasy, constantly anxious at the feeling of being watched and followed but never being able to do anything about it. He shook the thought away almost as soon as it occurred to him. That didn’t matter.

Still…

Despite his disquiet, he couldn’t help but stop outside of class 3A, where he knew Historia’s sixth period class was. Geography with Mr. Hughes. It gave him pause, and his fingers twitched at his side. It was such a shame, he had left his phone tucked beneath his books, all the way back in his own class. And Historia was looking so pretty today, with her nice blonde locks clipped back with sparkly blue and green clasps that made her eyes stand out.

He chanced a small peek into the classroom, on his way past. The door was wide open and he could see her, tucked away in the corner. She used to sit right up at the front in this class, much easier to see. Perhaps they had been put in a seating plan – yeah, that sounded about right. Historia would usually sit with Jordan during this class, and now they were on opposite sides of the room. Eren knew that they hadn’t fallen out, because Jordan was a gossipy bitch and would have posted about it.

Mr. Hughes probably got too distracted, trying to teach his year eleven class about maps and what not, but being distracted by the little angel that sat right across from him, wide eyes constantly staring at him intently, drinking in his every word. And it would have made him flustered, would have made him think once or twice about asking Historia to “stay back after class, would you, I need to have a discussion with you about the work”, and then...

But that was naughty.

Eren smirked, but wiped it off his face when he accidentally locked eyes with one of the students sitting in front row – Nathan, was it? Damn, what was with all these people looking at him lately? Staring him in the eye. Did they know something he didn’t? No, impossible. He hadn’t done anything _too_ suspicious lately. And Mikasa wouldn’t expose him like that, not for something that he could go to jail for.

The paranoia teared at him, so he clenched his teeth and hurried back to class. He felt like the whole school’s eyes were watching him as he walked through the empty corridors. Something about the desolation made Eren feel more exposed than ever, and he burned under the stares that were not there. 

* * *

“What do you _mean_ you’re not going?” Eren whined. “You have to go.”

“No, but I do have to cook dinner that night. Mum and dad both won’t be here on Friday, remember?” Mikasa said.

Ugh. What was the point in having a sister if she never did anything for you? Well, sure… Mikasa took care of him, he guessed. She made meals whenever their parents were busy (which was most of the time), and made sure he didn’t spend too much time holed up in his room without seeing the sun (which he actually didn’t appreciate too much, sometimes it was nice to be left alone), and made sure that he didn’t burn himself spending too much time in the sun (even though he tanned rather than burned, _thank you Turkish genes!_ ) But yeah. So she could do all of that, but she wouldn’t go to a party for him. Mean.

“You just have to go for like, an hour or two. Invite Armin over. You could both get dolled up, steal some of mum’s makeup or something so you look nice. Actually, forget that, Armin probably has some.”

“He’s not a crossdresser, Eren.”

Eren blinked. “With that hair-? No, never mind. You just have to go and like, snap a few pictures for me.”

“Eww, don’t get _me_ involved in your gross hobby. I’m not a stalker.” Could have fooled Eren, with the amount of time she spent scrolling through Annie Leonhart’s Instagram profile… Not that he checked his sister’s internet history or anything.

“C’mon, I had no idea what happened at the last party. Apparently, Ymir hooked up with someone – who may or may not have been a _girl_ – and someone tried to get Reiner to smoke weed with him.” According to Reiner’s status, anyways. “I couldn’t really see what was going on because most of the pictures were dark, blurry and clearly taken on a shitty android camera. Or maybe, like, the iPhone 2 or something. That’s how bad they were. And you know how a lot of people don’t put the _really_ juicy stuff online, because it always gets taken down. I need this, Mikasa. You have the latest iPhone, it would be in such high definition. Plus, you’d be able to show me everything.”

Mikasa finally looked up from her book, eyes narrowed. She was looking at Eren as if he were something that got stuck under shoe. But he’d had worse. And he knew that he couldn’t sink and lower than what Mikasa had already seen – and she still loved him and took care of him, unconditionally. Why couldn’t everyone be like her. Granted, they were siblings, and obligated to love each other – But. Whatever.

“Why don’t you just go yourself, if you’re so excited about it.” Oh, Mikasa. Eren let out a breathy sigh, laughing softly.

“Don’t be absurd. If I went to that party, I would get happily white girl wasted before half past eight, that’s when everyone’s just arriving, and I would publicly embarrass myself and you before half the people there had even had a pre’s (so you know that they’d remember it), because you would be the one that would make me put my clothes back on and drag me home, and everyone at the party would see you with me. Going home with me. Imagine how that would look. Because you know that we don’t even look related, so I really wonder what they would think about you leaving with the guy that just did something to embarrass himself horribly. Then, you would have to tend to my raging hangover in the morning, and try to fumble for excuses to tell mum and dad about my sorry state. And it’ll be less unbelievable if you’re telling lies for me, because you’d want to leave all of the good excuses for yourself, later down the track. And then mum will figure it out and we’d both get in trouble for lying and drinking. Our parents will think that you were hungover as well, since you would have bags under your eyes and bloodshot eyes from taking care of me all night and holding my hair back while I puke my guts out to the porcelain gods. Imagine that, the first time you get in trouble for drinking on a night where you didn’t even get a chance to. We’d both be grounded until we were twenty-one and actually old enough to drink, and you know that I wouldn’t mind being grounded because I don’t have any friends to go out and see anyway.”

Eren paused for effect. “Do you want that, Mikasa? Because I think that a much better option is for me to stay right here, free to masturbate as loudly as I want in the empty house while you go and have fun, as well as snap a few cheeky pics here and there. Just say they’re for snapchat, or something.”

Mikasa cast him a wary look. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes.”

“How about I just say, ‘get a life’, instead. You’re such a creep.”

“And proud.”

 “If you do this for me, I won’t ever talk to you again.”

“Tempting offer. Still no.”

“That’s selfish.” Then, Eren’s face split out into a grin. “You know… Last Friday, at Lange’s party, apparently Annie left with some girl called Bailey. That’s pretty interesting, don’t you think?”

He watched as Mikasa’s pretty face furrowed up. “Bailey? Annie told me that she didn’t talk to that girl anymore.”

Eren knew that. He had been listening on the other line. Why hadn’t Mikasa learned not to use the landline for important calls like that? Or any calls, really, she had a mobile for a reason.

“Yeah. I don’t really know what happened with those two after they left. Who knows? Maybe the same thing will happen this Friday.” He had struck a nerve. A flurry of emotions flickered over Mikasa’s face, ranging from anger to jealousy to hurt.

Yeah, Mikasa was going to go to that party. And even if she didn’t take any pictures, Eren was sure that she would tell him all about what happened with Annie and that other girl – whether she was crying, or yelling at him for misconceiving something and making her distrust Annie. Eren already knew what he would say in either one of those situations, when they happened.

* * *

Everything was so fucked.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this to me,” Eren griped. He was lying flat on the sofa at an uncomfortable angle, feet high up in the air and arms dangling of the side.

“I’ve done nothing to you,” Mikasa countered. “And if you think that I have, then you’re even more delusional and self-centred than I thought.”

“Doubt it.”

Life was over. _Love_ was over. Nothing made sense anymore.

When Mikasa had come home that night after the party (well, into the early AM’s) Eren had silently snuck into her bedroom, ready to offer a shoulder to cry on. Or, at the least, Mikasa wouldn’t yell at him if she was too drunk, or if she thought their parents were home. He wasn’t expecting what she told him.

She had hesitated at first, “I don’t know if I should tell you, I don’t want to know what you’d do with that information – what? Of course me and Annie are fine. You were the one jumping to conclusions.” And that had piqued Eren’s curiosity, because if she was too distracted to be mad about anything, well. He had to know what she knew.

It came out the next morning. According to Mikasa, Historia had hooked up with Ymir, of all people. And Eren hadn’t been there to see it. And Mikasa hadn’t taken pictures – “you disgusting little pervert, of course I didn’t” – and _Eren hadn’t seen it._

He was a lot more dejected than he originally thought he would be. Maybe there was a reason for his exceptional interest in Historia, beyond just wanting to know about her? Maybe he had even been in love with her. Mikasa seemed to think so, with how reluctant she was about telling him.

But he quickly forgot about that when Mikasa blushed deeply and admitted that, yes, she and Annie were in the room when Historia and Ymir had tumbled in, _hands all over each other_ , Historia’s lipstick probably smeared, some of it on Ymir’s neck… Eren had to stop himself before he salivated. Or got hard. But that was probably the reason that Mikasa hadn’t yelled at him last night. Clearly she had been distracted by whatever it was she saw. Eren had never wished that he was his sister but he would have done anything to see that sight.

But, wow. It was unfair. Ymir wasn’t even that attractive, in fact she was kind of scary looking. Plus she used to be related to Marco, second cousin or something like that. Thinking about Historia with a relative of Marco was kind of a turn off, now that Eren thought about it. It was all fine when it was all in his head, but – then, a horrific thought dawned on him. How long had Historia and Ymir been together? Had this happened before? _Without Eren knowing?_

It was almost like being a kid and realising that all of the TV shows and movies that you watched were fake. That they were just actors, playing out a story, or lines on a screen if it was animated. What else didn’t he know? It made his head hurt, thinking about all the secrets. How dare anyone keep secrets from him.

“I don’t know how to handle this, ‘kasa. I don’t like it.” Belatedly, Eren realised that Mikasa was gone, and he was talking to himself. Oops. He didn’t know if he was quite ready to reach that level of crazy yet.

Eren decided that he could just get over it. He would have to dig deeper to find out what else that people were keeping from him. He was sure that he could guess Bertolt’s security password for his email if he tried _really_ hard. From there, he could access all his other accounts, temporarily change his passwords and mess around for a bit. Eren would be able to see his chat history and all that.

Or he could just nick Sasha’s phone. She always left it out, every class, just near the edge of the table. It would be a piece of cake to snatch it up, then return it a few days after. Plus, she had a Samsung so she wouldn’t be able to use ‘Find my iPhone’, which had given him a scare after he stole Hange’s phone a year ago.

Sounded like a plan. He’d have to write this down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi will be properly introduced next chapter. I promise u

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, I swear I'm trying to keep the characters as in character as I can. Next chapter there'll be dialogue, and Eren will be more like himself, swear. 
> 
> And yes, Eren is a delusional creep. But so is Levi, just wait and see.


End file.
